The country’s already overburdened psychiatric wards are at bursting point now, after the release of a new ‘Where’s Wally?’ book with absolutely no Wallys in it.
The situation is currently being treated as a pandemic, with more and more casualties presenting themselves all the time, gnashing their little teeth and screaming things along the lines of, “all hope is futility,” and, “I AM WALLY!”
According to reports, hour zero began pleasantly enough, as the now ruined youngsters sat down to enjoy the book and it’s pleasing pictures of people getting their bottoms pinched by bulls horns and such. By hour five, however, the amusement turned into bemusement, as the children started to wonder how they still hadn’t found a single Wally yet.
On that first evening, many parents report that their kids asked if they could stay up reading – something that their parents allowed, thinking that they’d just doze off after ten minutes or so. When they awoke to find their offspring still absorbed in books, however, they realised that something was wrong, especially when they said things like, “you bore me with bad eyes, mother. Why would you have bore me with such wretchedly bad eyes!?”
Most parents tried to put a stop to the madness there and then, but the crafty children ran off to hide in sewers and woodlands so that they could peruse their impossible activity books undisturbed.
Eventually they were all rounded up, but by then it was too late, as they had all been driven insane by the fiendishly unsolvable puzzle. The question now is who could have done such a thing? And why?
The artist behind the book claims that the Wallys were all present and correct when he did the paintings, leading many to speculate that they were later removed with the specific intention of driving our children bananas. The current suspects, according to the UK media, are:
- North Korea
- Satan and his army of darkness, and
- The SNP
So far, the only clues are a trail of cut out Wallys which lead from the factory that mass-produced them to some sort of shadowy underground lair that’s filled with Russians, North Koreans, Bond villains, and infernal hell spawns from the fiery abyss. Probably the SNP then, is what the media are currently thinking.
We’re begging for money on Crowdfunder, here, if you’ve got money to burn.