Eleanor Nasty – the curator at the Museum of Evil, Malevolence, and Traffic Wardens has described the hack of Katie Hopkins’ Twitter account as the worst blow to wickedness since Adolf Hitler was bullied into killing himself by his Allied tormentors. She has also described the now lost treasure trove of some 30,000+ bile-rammed tweets as a bigger loss to society than the eradication of polio. We interviewed the museum boss to see if she had any other bad sounding things to say:
“Oh, good God! When I think about all the horror that we have lost! Like when she called a 9-year-old autistic girl a ‘twat’ and then likened her to a pig. Or when she referred to dementia patients as ‘bed blockers.’ Or just the other day, when she did what no one had the courage to do, and bravely attacked that hairy baby with her heroic typing.
“If you imagine society as a pool of water, then Katie Hopkin’s tweets are what you would get after dipping a putrid, toxin-covered flannel into it, and then ringing it dry with scummy hands. They’re like ‘Mein Kampf’ for people with no attention span, or ‘The Necronomicon’ for people who thought that Cthulu was too much of a pussy.”
Despite most people being overjoyed with Ms Hopkin’s misfortune, there is also the unfortunate factor of the hacker himself being some sort of weird misogynist who has been threatening to release a sex tape of his victim. What seems strange is that anyone who doesn’t respect women would not respect Hopkins, a woman who claims to not ‘feel much affinity towards women,’ although I suppose that’s because they largely all think she’s a nob.
The hacker himself is supposedly a Mr. Phil Olbison, who is on Twitter as @Polbi25. Reading through his tweets, Mr. Olbison appears to have become embroiled in a situation in which another hacker has taken over his dad’s email, and is now trying to get them to stop sending malicious messages by offering to put his genitals in a hoover. Unfortunately, this is actually true, and every bit as weird as it sounds.
We would like to finish this story by pointing out that Mr. Olbison and all other hackers are tremendous, and ask that they please refrain from hacking us or saying mean things about us online. If, however, you decide to hack us anyway, please don’t expect us to be having sex with a vacuum cleaner to appease you, although we would consider a less vigorous appliance if it came down to it.
We should probably also suggest that the Olbison account may have been set up as a patsy, as it looks rather disingenuous, especially considering that all of his tweets are one day apart from each other and too weird to be believable.
If it is a real account:
FOR FUCK’S SAKE.