Several Westerosi nobles were perp-walked FBI style last night, after it emerged that the game of thrones has been rigged by some of its most prominent players.
The FBI first began to suspect that there was something suspicious about the game of thrones when Sepp Blatter was seen watching it with a raised eyebrow and an expression of disbelief, before turning round to his good friend, Silvio Berlusconi and saying, “wow – now that’s pretty fucking corrupt.”
Characters arrested so far include Varys the eunuch, Ramsay Bolton, zombie Mountain, that wildling with the beard, that dothraki guy with the pecks, Cersei Lannister, whores 5, 7, and 19, one of the dragons, possibly one of the dire wolves if any of them are still alive, the white walker dude with the horn crown, and Hodor. Of course, the most notable thing about this list is its complete lack of Littlefinger, who is quite obviously the most corrupt character of them all. We spoke to the head of the FBI to find out how the oily snake had managed to ooze himself out of their grasp:
“Well, the thing of it is that we picked them all up using a wire, and Littlefinger is constantly changing his accent, meaning that every recording we have of him is completely inadmissible. Many viewers of the game of thrones assumed that Littlefinger couldn’t remember what his own accent was – possibly because he’d had some sort of head injury – the man constantly switching between Irish and God-knows-what – but actually he’s just a super genius who knows how to balls up a wiretap.”
It was ultimately decided that the game of thrones was so corrupt that it would have to be completely shut down in a similar fashion to, ‘Monty Python’s Holy Grail,’with several thousand police constables rushing onto the plains of Westeros and clubbing everyone in sight with their truncheons. Psychiatrists have recommended against closing it down permanently, however, but only because lucrative grief and trauma counselling has gone up by over 2460% per year since the game of thrones began.