Picture of Russell Brand taken from here.
In a shocking twist, the comedian Russell Brand has revealed that he has actually been a heavily disguised Jeremy Beadle all along.
The reveal came on a special episode of Question Time, which featured Brand facing off against the politicians that he had helped to derail with his toxic, last minute support. The audience seemed unsure about what to make of Brand, as whenever he was asked a question he responded only by saying, “oh, you better watch out.” When questioned further, the only follow up given was, “you just better watch out, that’s all that I’m saying.”
Eventually, the former Labour Leader, Ed Milliband lost his temper, and started screaming at the comedian, “why should I watch out? Why!? What nonsense have you got planned now?”
At that point, Brand leapt onto the desk and shouted, “because, Beadle’s about!” before tearing off his face mask and man girdle, prompting a befuddled Ed Milliband to drop on to the floor and start running round in a circle, shouting “woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop.”
Speaking after the show, the funster-supreme revealed that Brand had been his ultimate stunt – his ‘Guernica’ – his ‘Godfather Part 3: Making of Documentary.’ In the late-1990s, Beadle was so good at perpetrating mirth that pulling pranks had become too easy for him. Yearning for a more difficult challenge, Beadle set about creating the most unbelievable person ever and convincing the British public that not only was he real, but that actually he was the pivot point around which the nation’s future somehow revolved.
“At first it was just a bit of a laugh,” Beadle said. “Writing ‘My Booky Wook’ – talking about how many fingers I could get up my arse. It was just silly really, but people seemed to enjoy it. After I told Sachs that I shagged his granddaughter though, things really heated up, and I had to fake my own death so that I could be Russell full-time.
“Once I’d taken him as low as he could go, the next step was to rise him back up again. Originally I only planned on getting a gig on ‘Springwatch,’ but I somehow ended up becoming a cross between Karl Marx, the Dalai Llama, and Harold Steptoe. I then used that influence to arse up the election, making everyone want to vote for whoever it was that I wasn’t on the same side as.”
Shortly after the interview, Beadle was arrested for massive fraud and involuntary manslaughter, as several members of the ‘Question Time’ audience had ruptured themselves laughing when the maestro of merriment had explained his latest lark. The laughs continued as Beadle was arrested too – the police officers involved cracking up so hard that it took them over forty five minutes to handcuff him. “I’ve still got it,” Beadle said, with a wink, as he was driven away to spend the rest of his natural life in prison.
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