Following a series of aggressive encounters in a foreign land, a violent minority of lairy English hooligans have definitively proven that all British people are irredeemable and hate-filled extremists.
The Brits in question were filmed shouting things like “fuck off Europe, we’re all voting out” and “sit down if you hate the French” – demonstrating beyond a shadow of a doubt that all English people must hold these views, and should henceforth be banned from ever leaving their country again.
Or better yet – nuked into oblivion.
Of course, English people themselves have been the first to realise this – the English having a lot of good experience in proportioning blame to a majority for the actions of a few.
To get the lowdown about what we should think, we spoke to an expert in this sort of thing – The Daily Mail’s Katie Hopkins:
“In my mind, it’s very clear that football is the sport of extremism – as is evidenced by the sport’s long and inglorious history of hooliganism. Although many fans claim that they are against this sort of thing – and indeed many English people claim that they’re not even that into football – you can tell that secretly they all support it. You can see it in their shifty little eyes.
“And don’t get me started on the way that these footballers treat their women. These loony lefties claim that you can’t tar all of them with the same brush, and that you should only condemn those who actually hold these views, but I say conkers to that! We need to round them all up as quickly as possible and drive them into the sea. And by them I mean us.
“I’m driving myself into the sea right now in fact. Begone – intolerant witch! Begone!”
English people who are worried about English people spreading their intolerant English shenanigans abroad will be glad to know that plans are already under way to sever our ties from the rest of Europe with immediate effect.
And although Brexit shouldn’t necessarily mean that we become distant and estranged from our neighbours, the fact that we are approaching the matter in the most racist way possible suggests that it possibly might.
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