Following a 48 hour long percussion-related nightmare, a man from Kirkham has come to the verdict that the popular counter-culture icon Bob Dylan is actually a bit of a weirdo p*ss-taker.
The gentleman involved – one Bez Baracus – claims that he’d gone to see Dylan play and ended up being asked backstage afterwards. Bez assumed that he’d been asked backstage because of his obvious devotion to Bob – having turned up to the gig in a t-shirt from Dylan’s Corndog Cornucopia Tour.
When he met Dylan, the veteran performer asked Baracus if he’d like to have a jam. Bez obviously said yes – assuming that Dylan and some of his band were going to pass an old guitar around, and that Bez would get to watch.
What actually happened, however, was that Bob and his group sat on a circle of sofas, and Bez was asked to shake a tambourine in the middle of them.
Feeling somewhat perturbed by the staring and vacant eyes of New York’s veteran folksters, Bez tried to stop playing multiple times – only for Bob to say – “hey, Mr Tambourine Man – play another song for me” – Dylan drawing the words out so menacingly that the hair’s on Baracus’ neck stood up.
Bez was worried about letting his hero down, and so he kept on playing and playing – the hours passing by like verses in a Bob Dylan song – i.e. slowly and in great numbers. Eventually Baracus began to become delirious, but whenever he trailed off Bob would lean forward and insist, “hey, Mr Tambourine Man – play a song for me. Play a song for me! Play a song for me!”
“It’s not really a f*cking song if you’re playing it on a tambourine though, is it, Bob?” Bez shouted after several more hours of forced-percussion.
Allegedly, the octogenarian scenesters looked beyond offended at this assertion and began to file out through a side door that Bez insists wasn’t there when he walked in.
“We thought you were a real cool dude when we saw you in your band t-shirt, man,” Dylan told him. “But your refusal to play us tambourine music indefinitely has proven otherwise, and the offer for you to join us in the secret realm of super-hip hepcats has now been rescinded.”
“Your offer to join what, you mad, tambourine-loving maniac?” Bez asked.
Bob didn’t answer though – he just smiled sadly and walked through the door – turning into a cartoon as he passed through the frame.
“See you around, kid,” cartoon-Bob said, and Bez noticed that beyond was a strange and acid-like world of wonder – a twisting and bursting place in which he could see all of the greats from the 60’s – greats like John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Richard Nixon, the guy who invented Pong, and Charles Manson.
“It was a bit of a lucky escape in the end,” Bez told us, “because my husband would have killed me if I turned into a psychedelic 60’s drugs cartoon.”
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