Following a string of criminals being launched into the realm of minor celebrity as a result flattering mug-shots, numerous would-be models are reportedly now committing crimes in order to get free publicity pics.
There have been several incidents of hot criminals over the last few years, including this woman, this fella, and now this woman too. Although beautiful people are everywhere – and typing ‘hot young model’ into Google will produce more hits than a Bruce Lee drum solo – the internet is generally amazed by the appearance of a beautiful criminal – possibly because:
- People expect these wretches to be as ugly as their illicit deeds,
- Successful people in the media are often beautiful people, ergo beautiful people must also be successful – or at least successful enough not to be out jacking this and napping that, or
- Crime multiplies sexy by danger.
As it turns out though, beautiful people are just people – as opposed to star-born faerie folk who have chosen to walk amongst us for some reason– and are no less likely to become embroiled in low-rent thuggery than the rest of us.
The popularity of these incidents has now had another effect, however – namely that many young people are purposefully going out and doing crime in order to get their mushes immortalised on authoritative celluloid.
We spoke to a local police chief to find out how bad things have gotten:
“Quite simply, it’s probably the second worst crime wave that I’ve ever heard about – coming second only to that tsunami that swept a yakuza yacht straight into a triad catamaran.
“Everyday we’re getting reports of beautiful people smashing up Wendy houses, throwing cats at horses, pogo-sticking milk men, defecating out of bus windows, and closing important spreadsheets without bothering to save them properly first.
“The big mistake we made was hiring the famous celebrity photographer David Bailey to take our mug-shots for us – and not only because he’s charging more per shot than most of us earn in a month. This is why you should never taste drugs you’ve confiscated in order to ascertain whether or not they are in fact actually drugs. Policing really isn’t like what you see in the movies, kids – remember that.”
If you yourself are something of an unrecognised beauty and would like to get your felony on, we’d suggest that you commit one of the following crimes in order to do so:
- Wear socks with sandals,
- Illegally download the latest Game of Thrones episode,
- Systematically drown every last member of the Conservative party in a rust and slime-laced scrapyard bathtub.
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