A cat was met with a chorus of awws today after it transmogrified into a twisted and incomprehensible being of unbound malevolence – the tortoiseshell terror having apparently been the anti-Christ all along.
“Isn’t he cute!” one woman said, as the 40ft tall mega-fiend chased down a crowd of terrified bystanders – the thing’s terrible tentaclaws managing to flay victim’s skin off quicker than Hugh Hefner can remove a smoking jacket.
“He’s adorable!” another gentleman said, as the fiend began yo-yoing people by their entrails.
“I don’t know why anyone would prefer cats to dogs,” they all agreed, as the final horseman of the apocalypse spat flaming electric eels at a bus-full of screaming wheelchair orphans.
“ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?” some awful dog-lover suddenly shouted – bringing down the mood entirely. “THAT THING IS CLEARLY AN EVIL AND DERANGED PSYCHOPATH! THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS IS LIKE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BUBBLE BATH AND BEING QUICKLIMED TO DEATH BY A FRENCH ASSASSIN!”
As the dog-person finished their tirade, however, the anti-Christ rolled on to its back and began lazily swatting at the helicopters above with its giant, bloody paws.
“That is cute though, to be fair,” everyone agreed – shortly before all of existence was cast into an eternity of suffering and B*Witched listening to.
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