D:Ream Are Reforming But Will Things Get Better For Labour?

The 1990s Northern Irish electro-pop act D:Ream have decided to reform. Yes this is news. But why is it news?
Back in 1994, the band released “Things Can Only Get Better” – a tune that was very much of its time. An upbeat and unlifting pop anthem, it was in 1996/1997 appropriated by Tony Blair’s Labour Party as a message of hope for their General Election campaign.

 

Now in 2016, the band have decided to reform and will be recycling “Things Can Only Get Better” to reflect the current times of austerity and autotune.

 

We can also exclusively announce Prof. Brian Cox – who used to be a member of the band before he was famous for standing on mountains and pointing at things – will be rejoining them on keyboards to make himself look cool in his Converse trainers.
This will obviously please some members of the Labour Party’s right-wing immensely, as privately they admit that “it might have been the tune that won it.”

 

Liz Kendall commented, “Oh, I love that tune, and it still feels so modern – like an Armani-wearing Labour MP. And things really did get better too – I’m definitely proof of that. Maybe we should make it our campaign song again? Or am I trying to tank the campaign right now? I probably shouldn’t be so forthright, but I’ve just got that wonderfully giddy song stuck in my head!”

 

We contacted Jeremy Corbyn’s department to ask whether he thought the re-release of the song would see a lot of old New Labour voters return, and an aid told us, “I doubt it. An old pop-song like that wouldn’t get people to Zumba class, let alone win us an election!”

 

 

Regarding the reunion, it’s been suggested that Prof. Cox is having to undertake it because the BBC’s latest white paper is stipulating that any programme which is interesting, informative, or generally just worthwhile is up for the axe – allegedly meaning that Stargazing Live will in future be a 5 minute segment on The One Show presented by Giles Brandreth.
It remains to be seen how the re-release will be met by the general populous – especially as all evidence suggests that things may only get worser.

 

 

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