Simon Danczuk & John Mann Join Forces to Form ‘The Fuckle Brothers’

 

By Juris H. Smirnow

 

So it turns out Simon Danczuk and John Mann have been having discussions in the secret Blairite Bunker.  Jamie Reed was taking the Minutes.
Screen Shot 2016-05-13 at 12.45.02

 

 

So what are The Fuckle Brothers likely to be planning?  We have an idea, and it’s certainly not a Curry Night with the new Mayor of London Sadiq Khan.
Although we can’t say for certain, we can certainly suggest that what they’re up to mirrors a Chuckle Vision sketch from 1993 called “Barry goes to Burnley”.

 

As such, we’ve rewritten it and changed the names accordingly:

JM: “Oh there you are, Simon. I hear Ken said something naughty?”

 

SD: “Yeah, John, he did.”

 

JM: “What did he say?”

 

SD: “Something very naughty.”

 

JM: “Oh right, but what?”

 

SD: “Something about Hitler and Zionism.”

 

JM: “Oh, well that’s not good, Simon.”

 

SD: “No, John it’s not.  It’s anti-Semitic.”

 

JM: “Yes it is, oh my goodness, I’ll speak to Ken about it.”
SD: “Good plan.  I’ll go and party with my ex-wife and girlfriend. To me.”

 

JM: “To you.”

 

A FEW DAYS LATER…

 

SD: “Oh my, John, I see what you did to Ken.”

 

JM: “Oh I know, it was good wasn’t it?”

 

SD: “Yes it was, John. You were very manly.”

 

JM: “Oh hello, Jamie.”

 

SD: “Yes, hello Jamie.”

 

JR: “Boys. How’s it going? I see what you did to Ken, state of that!”

 

JM: “Yeah, he had it coming to him. But anyhow, with the recent election results favouring Labour more than we originally planned, we have to up our game and try and undermine Jeremy Corbyn more than usual.  A full frontal assault.  We will oust him.  I have a plan!”

 

SD: “You do, John?”

 

JM: “Yes, now pass that cricket bat to me.”

 

SD: “To you.”

 

JM: “To me.”

 

JR: “You’re going to hit him over the head with a cricket bat? Oooh, state of this!”

 

JM: “No, I’m going to write an article in The Sun. The cricket bat’s because I want to smash this photo of me looking glum on election night off the internet. Still can’t believe the Tories did worse than us after all that hard work we put in!”

 

SD: “The Sun? But they scuppered me, John.”

 

JM: “You were a naughty boy though, Simon – so yes, The Sun!”

 

SD: “About what, John?”

 

JM: “The usual.”

 

SD: “About how Jeremy is a Stalinist, free-love warlock and needs to be replaced by someone who talks about having values like Dan Jarvis?”

 

JM: “Yes.”

 

SD: “But you do that all the time, how is this any different, JM?”

 

JM: “Bugger.”

 

SD: “Quite.”

 

JM: “Send a Tweet out anyway, Simon.  Get those Corbynistas worried!”

 

SD: “Will do, John, but should we not get really drunk before we go on Twitter?”

 

JM: “Good point. Now throw me that phone so I can whack that picture off the web. To me!”

 

SD: “To you… six over Square Leg!”

 

JR: “State of this!”

 

 

So The Fuckle Brothers are (probably?) planning nothing more worrying than another article in The Sun.

 

It’s what they do best.

 

Despite the sleazy, class-warfare attitude of Murdoch and his chums, like Kelvin “Gotcha!” McKenzie.

 

 

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