The Information Age Gives Way to The Age of Celebrity Top-Ten Clickbait

When the World Wide Web went wobal in the 1990’s there was a giddy sense of anticipation in the air, as people speculated that it would free us from the tyranny of hereditary media billionaires.

 

What we didn’t factor in, however, is that it’s actually just as easy to upload complete and utter horsesh*t to the internet as it is to contribute worthwhile and vital information – the main offenders being:

 

  • OLD MEDIA – if the hateful, right wing media of our country had any dignity, they would have allowed their newspapers to smother in the hot car of their failure like the frenzied dogs that they are. They don’t though, which is why they’ve instead moved their horror-hoot online – depriving you from even being able to hurl their loathsome produce into a bin (a recycling bin mind – we’re not animals).
  • CLICKBAIT – 9 out of 10 humans would rather click a link that provides answers to trivial questions than one which is likely to leave them with more unanswered queries than before they clicked it. Want to know ten reasons why that is? Then click here! You won’t believe number 3!
  • GOSSIP SH*TE – scruffy, little, mental de-emancipation magazines like Heat have spawned scruffy little websites like… well – like com. Regardless of the medium, however, this nonsense is still about as good for your brain as cleaning your ears out with a .357 Magnum.
  • PORNOGRAPHY – you might not think that vital news is competing with pornography, but in actuality pornography is competing with everything, and it’s winning. Many of you probably won’t even finish this article now that the thought’s there in your head. See ya.
  • SOCIAL MEDIA – social media is great for linking you to hot sh*t like what you’re reading right now, but it’s also a scrolling cesspit of tantalising garbage – depending of course on who it is that you’re friends with.

 

 

Some researchers are suggesting that this age of digital refuse could be reversed through clever multi-platforming – e.g. by having intelligent debate undertaken by people who are also having full-on, penetrative sex, or by giving all news articles titles which suggest that they will help the reader to lose 5 stone in 3 hours.

 

Others are proposing the notion that we are basically just f*cked with this sh*t.

 

 

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