The Fantastic Voyage of Katie Hopkins’ Sausage

In the run-up to the London Mayoral competition, the celebrity fascist Katie Hopkins promised that:


If Sadiq Khan wins London, I will run naked down Regent Street with a sausage up my bum in protest #LondonMayor2016


After Sadiq won – proving that all of this so called ‘true British’ racism malarkey is only subscribed to by a vocal minority of tw*ts – The Hourly Terrier’s Twitter account became ‘Katie Hopkins’ Sausage,’ and we took everyone on a fantastic voyage of inner disgrace.


And now – for your reading pleasure – here is the journey of said sausage – disseminated as it was in chapters of 140 characters or less:


  • Wait a minute – she’s going to stick me up where? I don’t remember agreeing to that!
  • Even knowing full well that Katie Hopkins is going to arsehole me, I still couldn’t bring myself to vote for Zac “Racism” Goldsmith,
  • Does Amnesty International have a sausage branch? Because I think I might need imminent rescue,
  • It could be worse I suppose – she could have made me read her Mail Online column,
  • Everyone likes a bit of brown sauce on a sausage, but this might be a bit much…
  • Well she’s got mash for brains so she might as well have a sausage for a butt-plug,
  • What does an arsehole & a tube of offal have in common? They’re both good descriptions of Katie Hopkins,
  • Okay – I’m up there now & I can confirm that this is where Nigel Farage gets all of his ideas from,
  • She’s gonna be fuming when she finds out I’m halal…
  • Best thing about being in Hopkins’ arsehole is that it’s the one place you definitely won’t run into Katie Hopkins,
  • It’s quite clean in here actually, as I’m hearing that the sh*t usually exits through her mouth,
  • Chilling in Katie Hopkins’ poo-chute thinking “could be worse – could be Zac Goldsmith,”
  • Turns out Katie isn’t any less ridiculous with me up her arse, as she’d already sunk as low as she could go,
  • Just got the call – I’m gonna be the next Tory candidate for the London Mayor. Apparently I’ll be a clear “step up,”
  • Turns out Katie’s conscience is in here too – so now we know where it’s been hiding,
  • They say that Hopkins’ has her head up her arse, but looking at it I’m pretty sure that it’s Enoch Powell’s,
  • Turns out Katie’s heart is in her arsehole too – it looks like a walnut that’s been pickled in a vat of c*ntishness,
  • If Cameron knew how much terror was up here, he’d invade. Or at least bomb it a few times & then see what happens,
  • If Zac Goldsmith won, I hear that Owen Jones was going to stick a sausage up Hopkins’ bottom too,
  • I’ve been minced, sausaged, & arseholed, but will it be enough to stop David Cameron trying to put his weenie in me?
  • Not sure what’s more demeaning – having been up someone’s arsehole, or having been on ‘I’m a Celebrity…’
  • If you don’t know who Katie is, just imagine Pennywise the Clown vomiting on roadkill, and you’ll have the gist,
  • She didn’t even buy me a meal first, although she did say she’ll be having me for supper afterwards,
  • Suspect this may have been Paul Golding’s womb, as there’s an incorrectly drawn swastika scratched into the wall,
  • I’ve been up here for nearly five hours now, but I still wouldn’t go back and vote for Zac Goldsmith,
  • I can’t help but feel like this whole state of affairs is somehow Jeremy Corbyn’s fault,
  • I link, therefore I ham. Not sure if that’s supposed to be a joke. Feeling claustrophobic. It’s been a long night…



We should point out that no sausages were harmed in the making of this shenanigans.



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