The Fantastic Voyage of Katie Hopkins’ Sausage

In the run-up to the London Mayoral competition, the celebrity fascist Katie Hopkins promised that:

 

If Sadiq Khan wins London, I will run naked down Regent Street with a sausage up my bum in protest #LondonMayor2016

 

After Sadiq won – proving that all of this so called ‘true British’ racism malarkey is only subscribed to by a vocal minority of tw*ts – The Hourly Terrier’s Twitter account became ‘Katie Hopkins’ Sausage,’ and we took everyone on a fantastic voyage of inner disgrace.

 

And now – for your reading pleasure – here is the journey of said sausage – disseminated as it was in chapters of 140 characters or less:

 

  • Wait a minute – she’s going to stick me up where? I don’t remember agreeing to that!
  • Even knowing full well that Katie Hopkins is going to arsehole me, I still couldn’t bring myself to vote for Zac “Racism” Goldsmith,
  • Does Amnesty International have a sausage branch? Because I think I might need imminent rescue,
  • It could be worse I suppose – she could have made me read her Mail Online column,
  • Everyone likes a bit of brown sauce on a sausage, but this might be a bit much…
  • Well she’s got mash for brains so she might as well have a sausage for a butt-plug,
  • What does an arsehole & a tube of offal have in common? They’re both good descriptions of Katie Hopkins,
  • Okay – I’m up there now & I can confirm that this is where Nigel Farage gets all of his ideas from,
  • She’s gonna be fuming when she finds out I’m halal…
  • Best thing about being in Hopkins’ arsehole is that it’s the one place you definitely won’t run into Katie Hopkins,
  • It’s quite clean in here actually, as I’m hearing that the sh*t usually exits through her mouth,
  • Chilling in Katie Hopkins’ poo-chute thinking “could be worse – could be Zac Goldsmith,”
  • Turns out Katie isn’t any less ridiculous with me up her arse, as she’d already sunk as low as she could go,
  • Just got the call – I’m gonna be the next Tory candidate for the London Mayor. Apparently I’ll be a clear “step up,”
  • Turns out Katie’s conscience is in here too – so now we know where it’s been hiding,
  • They say that Hopkins’ has her head up her arse, but looking at it I’m pretty sure that it’s Enoch Powell’s,
  • Turns out Katie’s heart is in her arsehole too – it looks like a walnut that’s been pickled in a vat of c*ntishness,
  • If Cameron knew how much terror was up here, he’d invade. Or at least bomb it a few times & then see what happens,
  • If Zac Goldsmith won, I hear that Owen Jones was going to stick a sausage up Hopkins’ bottom too,
  • I’ve been minced, sausaged, & arseholed, but will it be enough to stop David Cameron trying to put his weenie in me?
  • Not sure what’s more demeaning – having been up someone’s arsehole, or having been on ‘I’m a Celebrity…’
  • If you don’t know who Katie is, just imagine Pennywise the Clown vomiting on roadkill, and you’ll have the gist,
  • She didn’t even buy me a meal first, although she did say she’ll be having me for supper afterwards,
  • Suspect this may have been Paul Golding’s womb, as there’s an incorrectly drawn swastika scratched into the wall,
  • I’ve been up here for nearly five hours now, but I still wouldn’t go back and vote for Zac Goldsmith,
  • I can’t help but feel like this whole state of affairs is somehow Jeremy Corbyn’s fault,
  • I link, therefore I ham. Not sure if that’s supposed to be a joke. Feeling claustrophobic. It’s been a long night…

 

 

We should point out that no sausages were harmed in the making of this shenanigans.

 

 

LIKE US ON FACEBOOK here, TWITTER here, or share this post with the buttons below:

You can also support the site by clicking the image below and buying one of our books:

You can SUPPORT THE SITE by buying one our books - our 2016 Annual, or a satirical re-telling of the Bible as written by a group like 'Britain First' who think that Jesus was well into his racism and that.

You can SUPPORT THE SITE by buying one our books – our 2016 Annual, or a satirical re-telling of the Bible as written by a group like ‘Britain First’ who think that Jesus was well into his racism and that.

Inline