Autopsy Confirms That Man Was Killed by Aspartame

A lorry driver from Burnley has died this past week in what’s being described as the first 100% confirmed death by aspartame.

 

We spoke to the gentleman’s widow to find out what led to her husband’s tragic and chemical related fate:

 

“Well, he did always like it sweet. He used to have ten cups of day, and in each one he’d have five sugars, so one day his doctor said to him ‘you’re having a laugh if you think you’re gonna get away with that for long, Ken.’

 

“Because it turns out that sugar’s bad for you, so Ken switched to sweeteners – which were good because it meant that he was having less sugar in each cup, and also less cups overall because they didn’t taste very nice, if I’m honest.

 

“Our son were telling us though – ‘don’t have them sweeteners – there were a man that had them once and his head swelled up to the size of a really big head, and also there’s probably worse things than that an’all.’

 

“They were arguing about it when Ken were loading up his lorry one day, and because he weren’t paying attention – bang – opened the doors didn’t he, and half a tonne of aspartame that he was supposed to deliver fell out and crushed him dead.

 

“So they say it ain’t dangerous but it is dangerous, and if you think otherwise you should come and tell that to my flat husband.”

 

 

If you yourself are worried about aspartame doing for you what it did to Ken, maybe just lower your doses from half a tonne to something more manageable. Or just stop buying the sort of sh*t that they fill with sweeteners and drink some water.

 
 

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