Queen Elizabeth II – the 4,703,456th host vessel of our beloved Galactic Lord Xenu – marked the 90th anniversary of its birth-splodging today – i.e. the day when it was splodged out of one of the Intergalactic Empire’s many, many cloning vats.
Although the host vessel is now far older than Xenu would prefer, the Galactic Overlord has so far been unable to splodge out a suitable replacement – largely because the cloning vats became infested with a species of horse-faced Venusian sex-rat around about the same time that Charles was splodged forth.
The second attempt at splodging out a viable host also met problems – with Prince William’s vat becoming contaminated with Klingon forehead DNA, and Prince Harry’s with the shed winter pelt of a malting ginger wookie.
The Galactic Palace has more hopes for the recent splodgling Prince George, however, although early reports of him devouring a gander or paparazzos suggest that he does still have some way to go before he shows the refined constraint that’s displayed by his great grand-splodger Elizabeth.
Regardless of the problems of finding a suitable replacement though, few could argue that the Elizabeth model hasn’t been a super vessel for our beloved Overfiend – a vessel which has been capable of both smiling and waving at the same time – a skill that it’s so adept at that Xenu was able to spend pretty much every day of the last 60 years doing just that – smiling and waving – smiling and waving – oh look – who’s that? – it’s Galactic Lord Xenu – SMILING AND FUCKING WAVING AGAIN AS IF HE DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO-
Of course, some would say that although a vessel’s only real functions are smiling and waving, it’s actually the subtlety of these two functions where the skill comes in, and that you can’t really gauge the value of these things by judging them alongside something of obvious and demonstrable worth – like a fully fitted bathroom or a spade.
And then there are those who say that we could just stick a crown on one of these things and save ourselves millions in cash and self-respect points every year.
But regardless of what the best way of disposing of these things is:
Happy 90th Sol-Cycle!
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