Homophobic Irish Catholics still Braced for the Apocalypse

The rational world rejoiced last weekend, as Ireland dragged itself out of the peat-bog of intolerance and sprinted off for the the summer meadow of homosexual marriage. In the aftermath of the historic event, however, the detractors of the law have been notable by their lack of public outcry. Their absence may now have been finally explained though, as it has been discovered that the moronically-hardcore have been quietly bracing for the rapture, while the rest of the country has stewed in the spicy broth of malignant, hell-sent tolerance. A strident religious-type named Marlon O’Spanner had this to say.

 

“It’s just like the big man said in the good book – in case of gay marriage, please drop to your knees, place your hands on the back of your head, and wait for the oncoming apocalypse.”

 

Several commentators have noted that the bigots may in fact have confused the instructions of God with the safety instructions of a Boeing 747, which would be in keeping with the way that they generally confuse The Bible with their own nasty-minded inclinations. When we tried to explain this to the squatting homophobe, however, it was to no avail:

 

“No, I’m quite sure,” he told us. “Now piss off, will ya lads? If the Lord catches me on my knees with a couple of primo, left-wing bum-bandits like yourselves then I’m likely to get left behind with the rest of you heathens.”

 

Despite the biting insults, we endeavoured to help the man, as he had revealed to us that he hadn’t eaten or drunk anything since the vote had gone in the devil’s favour. Marlon was adamant in his intentions, however, and he later died of extreme homophobia.

 

His family have been informed.

 

But they weren’t particularly surprised.

 

Because he was thick.

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