The future King of England and current Lord of Loafing – Prince William – has come forwards this past week to pledge his support for both protecting wildlife and sawing their heads off – explaining that “big game hunting is fine, as long as you pay a whopping great packet for the privilege.”
The problem – the future monarch explains – is that a lot of these rare animals have been getting killed by “savages,” and that sort of thing “simply isn’t cricket.” For a start, they don’t even bother to mount the animal’s heads on fancy wooden plaques or anything – they just use their carcasses for sustenance and leather.
There are also some dentists with ideas above their station who are out there hunting too – a group of people who celebrate by taking pictures on their camera phones like neanderthals, as opposed to having properly licenced artists paint moody portraits of them in oil paints.
Will has advised that the only way to prevent such travesties in future is to legalise the hunting of the lower classes, and let the properly serious hunters get on with eradicating these sweaty pretenders en masse. When asked if he saw the irony of both supporting and condemning hunting, the Prince just sort of jutted his barely-human chin out and said, “yah, sure” – before suddenly dislocating his jaw bones and swallowing a photographer who had wandered to close to the predatory lizard person.
Engorged and bloated, Prince William obviously needed to lie down for a month or so at that point, but his advisors assure us that as soon as he wakes up, he will be back to endorsing things which make little to no sense in no time.
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