Amazon – the company famous for pushing its staff to the point that they stress-vomit their own skeletons up – has decided to open one of its gulags in the Northern city of Manchester – a move which they say will create 1,000 jobs.
1,000 horrible jobs.
Originally, it was going to be 1,010 jobs, but they realised that they could get rid of several middle-managers (or ‘stress-sustainers’ as they call them) by instead using a shaven gorilla that they’d tattooed the words ‘work harder you bastards’ on to.
The company is also keen to maintain some of the city’s cultural charm, which is why the labour camp is going to be based in a Hacienda-replica basement – only instead of acid house the speaker system will blast out the ambient sound of factories being torn down accompanied by occasional excerpts from Mussolini speeches.
They are also attempting to convince people that the horrible working conditions that they will be providing are an attempt to replicate that authentic, industrial era aesthetic, but in actuality they’re just a load of digital land-baron bastards.
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