Following an unexpected change in wind, Katie Hopkins’ face has become stuck – which is a seriously shit situation for her, as the hell-sent, tabloid blunder-woman was hatefully glowering at a random act of kindness when it happened.
The fact that Hopkins’ face is now permanently stuck in the sort of scowl that a militant vegan would give a hard-boiled egg means that she is now undeniably notable as the completely obvious troll that she is – even to the partially sighted or when viewed from quite far away. So obvious in fact is her obvious trollery that even the sort of soulless, intellectually-vacant air-wasters who follow her are beholding her blatant horror and thinking, “oh my – that’s one seriously obvious troll.”
We spoke to Salford University’s Professor of Face Science – one Delilah Mushstudies – to find out the explanation for this sudden realisation amongst her fans:
“Well, they say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and what this means is that people who have things like compassion and humanity have always seen Hopkins for the social queef-weasel that she is – regardless of what her face might be doing. People who fundamentally lack those things, however, only pick up on things in the most shallow and inhuman way possible, which is why the only way that they will ever realise that someone is a horrible, hate-filled troll is if their face gets set in the features of a literal, hate-filled troll.”
Although Hopkins’ career may be in the toilet unless she can convince a witch to change her back, the relentlessly reprehensible commentator is allegedly actually quite happy with the situation – feeling that her reflection now finally matches the total and unyielding horror that the she has always done her best to promote.
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