The populist chicken basters at Nando’s are under fire today after it emerged that the ‘cheek’ in ‘cheeky Nandos’ has actually been hog buttocks all along.
Although unnoticed by most, the word ‘chicken’ has slowly been phased out of the Nando’s vocabulary, while the popular, ‘cheeky’ catchphrase has been progressively phased in. Although some customers had noticed that their meals now smelled like the sweaty arse of a rutting hog, they were more than prepared to put up with the unpleasantness, as overall they still agreed that Nando’s was ‘a pretty cool brand,’ and that it saved ‘having to get their heads round some place that had its own personality’ – or even more terrifying yet – to ‘cook.’
Nando’s are refusing to apologise or offer refunds for the meat impropriety, saying that “you wanted cheek, we gave you fucking cheek.: They also explained that they made the switch because their super peri-peri scientists had accidentally bred a species of nerveless hog that could regrow severed buttocks. The science-swines are also aroused by the smell of their own searing flesh – essentially creating a brand new form of renewable, vegetarian-friendly pork. Several people have suggested that the miracle hams could be an excellent solution to end world hunger and stop animal cruelty, if only Nando’s would wash the smell of sweaty hog’s arse from them first.
“No fucking deal,” was the restaurant chain’s response.
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