The Prime Minister has sent a sternly-worded letter to the production team behind, ‘Mad Max: Fury Road,’ claiming that the blockbuster bears more than just a passing resemblance to the Conservative’s five year plan to ‘regenerate’ the North of England. The government has also made it clear that they intend to sue Hollywood over this infringement, and have released the plan in question – a plan which we have summarised here:
- Destroy the environment,
- Pump whatever’s left of the Northern and Scottish environments down to the pastoral, English heartlands, leaving the flat cap and haggis brigade up shit creek without a paddle,
- Shop the North out as an attractive penal colony for the Australians to send their various convicts and vile animals to. Charge the Aussies top dollar for the privilege,
- Trick the Northeners and convicts into giving us all their clothes with a rudimentary ploy, and then replace their baseball caps and bad denims with impractical, leather fetish gear,
- Sell the clothes for a tidy profit on eBay, and then film the kinky, northern monkeys on CCTV to stream online to various enthusiasts,
- Let it all simmer for a couple of years,
- Introduce total chaos in the form of Thunderdome-type fisticuffs and ultimate road carnage. Promise to release whichever one of the little shits wins and then renege once they’re brought over the border. Film it all on CCTV – sell footage to enthusiasts,
- Have Mel Gibson attached as an executive producer.
A senior aide at Whitehall has revealed that the Conservative lawsuit may already be backfiring, however, as their accusations have drawn Hollywood’s attention to the fact that the current UK government is a direct rip off of ‘1984,’ ‘Dumb and Dumber,’ and ‘Sex in the City’ – albeit with the emphasis on the bland, unstoppable commercialisation aspect of that last film, as opposed to the coffee shop-sharing of sex chatter.
A legal expert that we spoke to believes that the government could be in real trouble over this, and is likely to lose all of the money that they just made through selling the UKs wheelchairs and disableds to the scrap merchants.
Nicola Sturgeon, however, was said to be delighted by Westminister’s woes, although she is obviously keeping a low profile in case anybody important notices that the SNP based their entire election strategy on the scene from ‘Braveheart’ in which the savages flashed their fleshy, highland trumpets at the dourhearted English army.
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