American Town Blocks Windfarm Following Concerns They Might Take-Off

A town in Texas called Reject Springs has won it’s fight to prevent a wind-farm being built on its outskirts – following concerns that the renewable energy contraptions may have resulted in the local landmass simply taking off – just like that house did in ‘Up.’
 

Worries about the eco-venture were raised by a spokesperson from the oil industry – the same spokesperson who convinced another town that solar panels would suck all of the sun’s energy out of the air, and that electric cars were literally made out of electricity, and are therefore about as conducive to good health as making sweet, sweet love to a toaster.

 

The spokesperson originally only told the Americans that the windmills would blow all of their precious eagles inside out, but when he saw how quickly they believed every word which was uttered by a besuited, fast-talking slimeball, he realised that he needed to go big on this or go home.

 

Following the success of his initial ruse, the spokesperson decided to do a bit of freelance work for some other horrible organisations, and promptly convinced the Texan freedom-aholics that non-branded water is Satanic because it’s piped directly through Hell, that replacing your SUV with a bicycle is blasphemous because the strain it puts on a person’s crotch works as a sperm-chillaxer and is therefore basically just a form of contraception, and that eating vegetables and grains is actually incredibly bad for your body – as is demonstrable by the fact that eating them makes you regularly void easily-passed stink logs from your rear passageway – unlike a 100% Big-Mac diet which produces less than two stools per-year.

 

We tried showing some of the locals pictures of wind farms which clearly hadn’t resulted in the land they rested upon floating away, but they all just kind of stared at the images like a herd of livestock gawping at doggers – ultimately not smart enough to understand what they were looking at, although possessing just enough intelligence to sense that whatever it was, it was probably more interesting than anything else in their field of vision.

 

The 2015 Annual and a book satirising the hypocrisy of far-right Christian groups like Britain First.

The 2015 Annual and a book satirising the hypocrisy of far-right Christian groups like Britain First.


 

When we realised that we weren’t getting anywhere, we shouted at them, “you realise that your precious oil is made out of liquidised dinosaurs, right?” – before running off, and leaving the fundamentalist boobs to ponder the implications of that.

 

Or to just think that we were dicks, and not think about it at all.

 

So yeah – probably the second one.

 
 
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