Wales Missing – Northern Ireland Suspected

In a surprising turn of events, the country of Wales has vanished entirely from Great Britain – with geographers worried that it may in fact have been missing for several weeks.


Attention has been even further away from Wales than usual over the past few months, as an increasingly important Scotland scared English voters by threatening to climb down from their grotty mountain lairs to eat the Southlanders’ bairns. As a result, Wales’ disappearance was not realised until a delivery driver noticed that the Irish Sea now extends all the way to Herefordshire.


“I was driving down in my little van when I suddenly came to this big cliff that dropped right down to the sea,” the Royal Mail worker said. “Well, that’s not supposed to be there, I said. It’s cutting right down the middle of the road for one.”


When asked why no one had noticed sooner, the postman explained that, “they only get mail four times a year,” and that, “they’re not that arsed really. I take them a few letters, some bananas, and a bin bag full of Wi-Fi, and that’s them sorted for a few months.”


Northern Ireland is suspected to have been involved in the disappearance, as the two countries had recently become involved in one of those weird, toxic relationships that scorned people often find themselves in – reports having surfaced that their secret, ghastly love ended badly when the Northern Irish found out that Wales had been private messaging Belgium online.


The 2015 Annual and a book satirising the hypocrisy of far-right Christian groups like Britain First.

The 2015 Annual and a book satirising the hypocrisy of far-right Christian groups like Britain First.


When asked if the government would do everything that it could to find the missing nation, David Cameron squinted into the distance for several seconds, before saying, “No. But I am going to have Boris put some posters up.”


Northern Ireland is still at large at the time of this being written. If you see it, please contact your local police constabulary. Do not attempt to apprehend Northern Ireland yourself, as it is a considerably large landmass, and it would crush you.



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