Man Essentially has Amnesia Following the Loss of his Camera Phone

A man from Barnstable has been left with amnesia this week after he lost his camera-phone, and thus all of the videos and photos of things he recorded instead of paying attention to them.


The man in question – one Kendrick Umm? – is able to recall that he was definitely in attendance at certain events and things, but all he remembers from being there was that he was filming the occasions as they happened.


“I remember that my wife’s something broke, and that we then rushed her to the somewhere so that she could give something to someone, but beyond that I haven’t got a clue!”


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Cameraphone amnesia has been on the rise recently, as people have increasingly relied on their phones to capture treasured memories – leaving their brain storage free to house more facts about which super foods are the superest, or what Harry Style’s top five smells are.


Although hippies have been recommending that people should just experience stuff instead of living life in the third person – you should not listen to them – because they are hippies and almost certainly under the influence of some sort of psychedelic vegetable. What they fail to realize is that our friends are relying on us to provide them with poorly recorded and unedited videos to watch on tiny, hand-shook screens. If it wasn’t for these homemade videos, all people would have to enjoy is the Golden Age of television on 52in, 4K flat-screens. Imagine that!


Apple are trying rectify the problem by designing a personal drone which follows you round, recording everything that you do, and uploading the footage – unedited – to social media. Although many have pointed out that these devices will essentially mean that you are paying through the nose to have your own privacy taken away from you, this has already failed to dissuade early-adopters, as the devices are made by Apple, and so a billion people have already pre-ordered them. In the long run this may actually improve everyone else’s security, however, as GHS will now be tied-up watching constant feeds of the sort of uninteresting morons who would gleefully sign themselves up to live in ‘1984’ at a personal cost of some £363 per month.


Oh – but what happened to the guy from the beginning of the story? He just kind of wandered off. If you see a deranged-looking individual holding up a large box of matches and pretending it’s a camera phone whilst crying, you should just film him, upload it to the internet, and title the video, ‘OMG!!! :’-( SO SAD.’ Because – yeah – I can’t remember how you’re actually supposed to deal with life anymore.



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