Following a blitzing first year in which our ferocious reporting has put an end to:
- Rudeness on social media,
- Shia LaBouef
- Pasties being either too hot or too cold – never just right,
- Star Wars spoilers,
- IFCGT (Inter-Facial Chewing Gum Transfer, i.e. losing your gum when necking strangers – a problem which was costing UK romantics up to £3:45 a year),
- Low fives being withdrawn more quickly than you can make skin contact,
- Armpit smell,
- Floppy discs, and
- The military-industrial complex,
We have now also won website of the year at an awards ceremony!
Which we put on ourselves!
Which sounds like it’s cheating, but we were actually as surprised by the win as anyone. Mainly because we set it up when we were drunk. It wasn’t a small event either – there were over three thousand people in attendance – it just turns out that there’s a level of inebriation in between squiffy and blackout drunk at which point we suddenly become incredibly efficient event planners. Who would have guessed?
Anyway, other than The Hourly Terrier winning Website of the Year, the other big winners were…
The Hourly Terrier!
The categories included:
- Best guide on how to deal with mosquitos (The Hourly Terrier Guide to Dealing With Mosquitos)
- Most uses of the words ‘Boris’ and ‘Johnson’ in a single article (Boris Johnson Appointed as New Secretary of the Department for Boris Johnson)
- Best Mel Gibson pun (Mel Gibson Downgraded from ‘Lethal Weapon’ to ‘Hazardous Tool’)
- Most shared article by people who didn’t realise that what they were sharing was satire (The Sun Accidentally Leaks a List of Future Corbyn Smears)
- Best interview with God (The One True God Comes out of the Closet)
- Best ‘Where are they Now?’ articles (Ed Balls Considering Porn Career & Nick Clegg Seen Mourning his Precious in the Westminster Catacombs)
- Hottest Hollywood gossip piece (Luis Guzmán to Play Bella in Twilight Sequel)
- Best ‘Day in the Life’ article (A Day in the Life of Abstaining Labour MP, Jeff Smith)
- Best expose of the education system (Government Set to Repossess Education That was Incorrectly Put Inside Poor Children)
- Story most likely to have the writer blocked by Twitter users over apparently ‘inciting violence against cats which look like Hitler’ (Hitler Reincarnated as a Cat)
As the evening wore on and people began to realise that the event they were in attendance of almost certainly wasn’t the Led Zeppelin reunion they’d been promised, things began to get ugly – a situation not helped by our editor John Shafthauer’s insistence of reading the exact same speech every time he accepted an award. Predictably, the repetitive monotony drove people to drink – the drink drove people to get mouthy – and getting mouthy drove them to start throwing punches left and right. On the plus side though, it had been a slow news day up until that point, and without the incident we never would have written our award winning article, ‘300 People Missing & Presumed Sparked out Following Rampage by Drunken Terrier Man.’
So – all in all – a good year for us here at The Hourly Terrier.
You can also support the site by buying one of our mugs, here.